Well, a lot has happened in the last couple of days...a lot of good and a lot of bad, so I guess I should include it all...(I hesitated to share this, but it's life, and it's a little therapeutic).
Let's start with the bad...
Steve and I were expecting our third child! We were very excited, but quite as we usually are in the first trimester... as I've had 2 miscarriages before. Anyway, I thought I was 8-9ish weeks, but when I went into the first ultrasound... the baby was measuring much much smaller than it should be.
But- there was a heartbeat... so I was holding on to some hope. I went in for some HCG readings (with drawing blood) for a couple of days, which indicated that the baby wasn't strong enough... but we had to make sure... so after 1 week (a very long week of waiting, worrying and experiencing pregnancy symptoms but not knowing if it was real-- not very fun), we went in for another ultrasound which showed that the baby had passed away.
This is all very awful for everyone of course, but we were leaving for Paris in two days after we found out the final concensus. So- I had to decide if I wanted to naturally miscarry or peform a D & C.
Long story short, I decided to do a D & C, had it done on Friday, and then we left yesterday for Paris. This is my second D & C (yes, so sad), but I was out with my first one. The physical recovery was MUCH worse with the first, but the emotional recovery for this one is much worse. It is no fun being awake for any procedure like this. I am trying to quickly erase those moments on Friday...and feel some peace about the whole thing.
Of course we are very sad/disappointed about the events of this week, but moments/experiences like these really accentuate the blessings. We love our daughters- and all children are miracles...I am so greatful that I have them. Hopefully, we'll be able to add another one (which may be our last? I'm running out of steam... but who knows what will happen :) )
Now onto the good!
10 hours later, we are in Paris. The flight wasn't so bad! We left at around 6:30 pm, so the kids had a full day of activity, and they were kind of winding down. We had dinner on the plane, we read books, Maddie watched some TV, we opened some presents (little ones I got from the dollar store)... and then they were out. Of course, it is not pleasant to hold a 18 month old on your lap for 10 hours, but you can do anything if you know it's going to end, right?
Luckily, we got the first seats past business class, so there was some extra room. I highly recommend this for any parent traveling transatlantic flights :) They even have a bassinet (but Emi didn't fit).
Our place is great. We can't really see straight since neither of us slept, but of what we have seen so far, it's the perfect location. We chose the 3rd arrondissement (Paris is laid out in sections called arrondissements), which is full of shops, bakeries, markets... of course all the quintessential stuff. We are really excited.
The apartment is perfect for our family. The owners have children themselves, so Maddie has a little bed perfect for her, and Emilie has the same. They have their own room with a window of the Paris rooftops. And- if you squint, you can see the Eiffel tower :)
Our friends are coming tomorrow... and they also have the most adorable crib for their little baby... it really is a perfect place for families. (not to mention being absolutely beautiful).
That's it! No photos for today :) I had no energy ! But, I have a feeling tomorrow will be packed with them. What to do first?
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7 comments:
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You are incredibly amazing and its hard to watch or know of something heartbreaking that happened to you. I wish I could come over with a gallon of ice cream and some gluten free cookies and make it all better. But would you settle for and "air hug" from across the pond? Enjoy Paris, talk about the world's best distraction :)
Oh Alie - I had no idea you were going through any of this!! I am so sorry. I wish I had known. I will pray for you guys and am sending tons of hugs your way. Once you guys aren't sleep deprived and the kids are adjusted to the new time, I just know you guys are going to have so much fun there!!! I wish I could come visit! :)
I was thinking about you all day and hoping the flight went well--so glad you made it! I hope you can now crash and get some serious rest. The timing of all this has seemed so rough--I am amazed you were able to get on that plane so quickly after the D&C--but I am really hoping it ends up being a blessing to get away and have a wonderful, amazing time in Paris! Just know that we all love you, and that you are totally entitled to some grieving time. Your loss is real and it breaks my heart that you have had to go through this so many times!
So sorry about to hear of the baby troubles... but happy that you can enjoy some special times Abroad with your family. Hopefully some more good news to come!
I'm so sorry, Alie! I have not had a miscarriage but have had people that are very close to me experience it and have learned how real their pain is. Every mother knows that the baby inside you becomes your child the second you learn of your pregancy and therefore causes much sorrow when one is lost.
You are loved. You are an great mom to your girls. Go have so much fun in Paris.
We're so sorry to hear about the baby and your loss. After some comments you had made while you were visiting left us hopeful that you guys would be adding a new little one to your family soon. You're in our thoughts and prayers. Good luck!
So sorry for your loss, Alie. Been there, done that (twice). I hope you can work through your loss while still enjoying the vacation your family is on!
Marybeth
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